It’s late morning.  We’re sitting in the lovely, (nearly) lakeside house that’s temporarily ours, debating which of the famous Osoyoos attractions we should visit first.  Kirsty suggests Rattlesnake Canyon, which is billed as ‘a western mining town themed amusement park that offers quality entertainment at affordable prices’.  Google says it’s ‘Temporarily Closed’.  Well, how about the Desert Centre?  Alas, it’s also ‘Temporarily Closed’. “It’s just too early in the Season,” says Nanette, “maybe we should go check out that hardware store that the nice lady at that gas station told us about.” 

Ah yes, yesterday, the lady back at the Eastgate Service and General Store, a little roadside shop in the middle of nowhere, had indeed told us we must visit this emporium of wonder.  “Well,” she had said, “my cousin Leroy went to Osoyoos back in ‘98.  He said the hardware store is way popular with them tourist fellers.”  We decide that, if it’s good enough for Cousin Leroy, it’s definitely worth a try.

As we drive the seventeen-minute trip from Osoyoos Cottages to town, we amuse ourselves laughing at Nanette’s penchant for mis-pronouncing Osoyoos as ‘oh-sous-us’.  “No!”, we all cry, “Oh-SOY-oos”.  Ha-ha, ho-ho.  To be fair, these First Nations names are a bit tricky, but no problem for an experienced linguist like me (as I will demonstrate later).

Anyhow, we soon find that, while the hardware store isn’t that hard to find, being located bang in the middle of the main street, it’s easy to get lost once you get inside.  This ‘truly unique shopping experience’ is a bizarre and eclectic place that sells everything from socks to sockets, and lumber to walking sticks with attached bear whistles, in a crazy maze of winding nooks, crannies and hidden basements.  (Editor’s note: I had hoped to attach a detailed review of the walking stick/bear whistle combo, however I was unable to locate anyone with mobility issues who had successfully tested the whistle in a real-life bear encounter).

We leave the store, grab a quick lunch, then it’s time to travel back out of town to the Nk’Mip Desert Cultural Centre for a lesson in indigenous history.  Alas, the cultural centre is also closed, (until the day after we leave), so we drift on across to the nearby Nk’Mip Cellars.  The place is a combination winery and art gallery, with a great view of what I’ve been calling the ‘Nuk Mip’ desert.  “Welcome to Inkameep”, announces the friendly guy behind the counter.  I pretend not to notice that Nanette’s eyebrow is arched slightly in my direction, and fall back on the old faithful – “Wow!  Look at that view.”

In a way, that simple throw-away statement turns out to be way more than just an excuse to distract attention from my, er, minor error in translation.  Over the next couple of days, we – visit the site of one of the first ranch houses in the Okanagan –  drive north through the desert to the little town of Oliver – take the winding mountain road up to Anarchist Mountain Lookout – and spend an hour or so wandering down the dusty trail beside the Osoyoos Oxbows nature reserve, where we see garter snakes sunning themselves on rocks, and a bald eagle on its far-off nest, but can’t spot the coyote that fellow walkers claim crossed their path. 

Little by little, over the few days we’re here, we find our conversation swinging away from our original comments of “imagine what this place looks like when the grape vines are covered in leaves” to “isn’t it great we have all of this to ourselves.  And, we haven’t come across one rattlesnake – must be too cold”.

So, what’s the best things to do in Osoyoos?  Well, I think the kids summed it up pretty well.  When we asked them what they enjoyed most this trip, they listed the top three as – seeing the garter snakes close enough to touch (if they had been allowed) – being able to see all the way to America from the lookout, and – skipping stones and trying to balance stacks of small rocks down at the lake shore in the late afternoon.